Thursday, February 23, 2012

Adventure #11: My art IS me

This post is about how well I know myself even if I don't know it. So, as the incredible and nearly toothless Snoop Dogg once said in a hot girl song:
"Let's take a journey."

It's been told to me before, and it was reiterated a few nights ago when I watched Never Been Kissed for the first time: "To write well, you have to write what you know." And, this applies to every form of art. For the most part, I do this with my creative projects, and for the most part, I never recognize I'm doing it until after the project is done. I don't know, exactly, if I can claim writing "well," but I sure do write about what I know.

"To write well, write what you know"
Let's start with my most recent project, which is what actually brought this junk to mind. For my creative writing class, I wrote a short story that I grabbed out of the air while we were given time in class to brainstorm quietly. Within two days, I knew the direction of the story, that a gentleman who wants a family discovers a strange creature in his plant shop and this creature fills his desire for a family. It took a few writing sessions, three of which I spent crying heavily (and I mean, BAWLING; there was no stopping the tears; they just kept coming and coming without effort, and I was heave breathing, feeling agony within), because I felt so emotionally connected to what the characters were going through. So, I wrote what I was feeling at the moment and tagged that the characters were doing it. I didn't quit feeling so emotionally overwhelmed until I wrote the characters out of that situation, and then I wrote how the characters(/I) felt in the calming period after a strong emotion (so, now if you ever read Twizzle, you'll know every emotion I felt (even the smiles) at the very moment I wrote it; that may be a nice (or torturous, if you're my mother) visual to play with as you read).

So, what does this mean? I wrote what I knew. And, what I presently know is loneliness. For me, that is what the story is about. This loneliness hasn't been a great secret to me, though I've tried to ignore it. It's mostly come up since I moved out of my sister's house last April and closer to my college campus, due to early classes and rehearsals that run late. It has seemed best to have a home to go to in the middle of the day than to be away from home for 14-16 hours everyday (my sister lived a forty minute drive from campus but is now moving near my parents, a two and a half hour drive from campus).

Perhaps, this is also why my baby hunger has increased a lot. If I can't have people readily to be with me, why not make people who will readily want to be with me? I'm used to creating things. Why not people? (I wouldn't exactly say that is especially a great idea, though)

This isn't to say that I don't have friends and don't talk to people. I appreciate those I have, but I've always lived with my family, where there has always been someone to talk openly with and with whom, I feel, I can receive an unbiased opinion about things or can get feedback that is not strongly judgmental or saving face to manipulate me. Now, I'm around other students who have their own agenda, when I've been used to having someone who will make time to talk to me, even if slightly inconvenient for them (gosh, I sound like such a little prince). There is a kind honesty (even if it's not pleasant to hear, it's necessary but done with kindness) among much of my family and I trust them.

So, wah wah! I don't have them right here. ANYWAY, this happens all the time when I write poems and songs. Sometimes, I have NO IDEA what I wrote means! Then, about 1-3 months later I look back over it and have an "ah-hah!" moment and realize I wrote exactly what I was feeling at the time I wrote it.

During my 20th year of life, I wrote a novel. It took me August to August (to figure it out and) to write it, and about 6 months later, I saw that I accidentally wrote a story that reflects that 20th year.

In my acting, I draw from myself and people and common behaviors I have observed or understand(/researched). When I'm doing crappy work, I'm not drawing from anything, because, for whatever reason, I forget to draw from inspiration or don't know (yet) what to use for inspiration. I am not "writing" what I know.



And lastly, I have been writing a bunch of silly sketches, some of which have been put on Youtube. The one that stands out in my mind is Einstein Home School College. I wrote a promo for it, and the lead in that has been kind enough to improv her way through two more videos of random interviews with the same spirit of this College I created. I have also written episodes of events that happen at this place. Basically, the gist is incompetent people acting like they know what they're doing. So, pretty much, I wrote about how I often feel. However, often when characters recognizes this cycle, then that is a drama. But, when they are clueless to their incompetence, then it is a comedy, as the scripts for this College try to reflect this latter pattern. Overall, since I feel I go through both of these patterns, and since drama and comedy are both part of life, I can say that I have experienced a whole life (Thanks, Mom; you did well, after all).

So, pretty much, I write what I know. And even if I have not experienced something firsthand, I write what I understand, and it still comes from a place within me, even if I don't readily recognize it. Then, my art is me.
How is your art you?