Adventure #16: I'm Like a Barbie--Small, Beautiful, and Easy to Undress

I liked the Toy Story films casually--not as much as every else--but I still liked them. I never chose to watch any of them but typcially didn't mind when other people chose them, because I knew they were good and enjoyed them to an extent. Eventually, they grew old, though, and I felt they were overplayed, but I couldn't figure out why I felt this way. What was it that I didn't like about Toy Story and Toy Story 2? I couldn't find anything that should rub me the wrong way, that turns me off to them while everyone else was loving them.

...I found out with Toy Story 3: There was no character I connected with or that I wanted to identify with. However, I found two characters in Toy Story 3: Barbie and Ken...



Yes, yes, I know it's weird and funny. What's more funny? I can't even tell you why they're the ones I look to, but maybe other people can see me in them. They are my favorites. They make me giggle! Perhaps, they represent parts of me I don't recognize or don't want to recognize, or they are just the characters whose character humor I understand the easiest...who knows?...

Adventure #15: eBay Selling My 5th Grade Crush

In my first year English class three years ago, we had to write a persuasive paper to use as a product description to sell an intrinsic item on eBay. I chose my 5th grade crush and read my paper aloud to the class for feedback. They loved it! My professor laughed throughout and commented that I had the "best.last.line.EVER!"...my item never sold, but the paper is fun to read:

**************************************************************

As a hopeless romantic, my life pretty much sucks, especially as a deep feeling, sissy college boy prone to attachment! Therefore, it would help me a lot if I could shake these romantic feelings I have been carrying for a girl from my fifth grade class. My method consists of ridding myself of a proxy—a broken heart shaped paper (two half hearts) with listings of my romantic feelings for her inside the heart. I do not have the money for therapy to settle this issue, since my collegiate institution requires I pay tuition. Hence, I have fallen into alternative ways to relieve myself of these feelings for a girl whom we shall call Annie.

To be honest, the first time I met Annie I thought she was a boy, because of her strong tomboy image. On the first day of school, my teacher requested the silence of some feminine giggling. I glanced in the direction to which she spoke to behold, what I thought to be, a group of three girls and a boy who was the cause of the girls’ laughter. I thought it rude for my teacher to refer to that boy as a girl. The next day, I saw that same boy enter and leave the girls’ restroom. I was shocked!  However, when I saw my teacher’s casual appearance as she witnessed the same event, I accepted that this boy was really a girl—Annie.

Annie was the first girl I felt strong romantic yearnings for. I had previously had a countless number of crushes on girls, often at the same time. Eventually, I developed strong emotions directed towards Annie. No other girl mattered to me, anymore. None were so precious and special as her. My life brightened just by seeing her everyday in class. Her sparkling blue eyes always calmed me and carried me away into mushy, frolicking fantasies. She was also very funny, and the goofy qualities of our personalities meshed so perfectly. We were a killer comic team when entertaining our classmates.

I still remember the sinking feeling I felt inside when another girl from our class brought up Annie’s boyfriend. I had no idea she had one, and Annie instantly turned red and shied away from the topic as she watched my surprised and hurt reaction. Gradually, I calmed myself, thinking, Annie may not be mine now, but someday we will have each other. Soon, my parents informed me that we were moving to a small town three hours away. When my teacher revealed this news to my class, Annie’s face shared the same expression mine had when I heard of her boyfriend.

The months following my family’s move were mostly spent in loneliness, daydreaming that someone’s house in the neighborhood would go up for sale and then Annie’s family would move in. I tried to escape these ideas by facing reality and recognizing that I probably will never see her again. However, that was too painful, so I maintained my imaginative thoughts. I longed for her uplifting companionship.

Since then, I have been able to gather more crushes, but none develop into the same rushing intensity as with Annie. None have compared to her. Whenever something comes close, my mind remembers and pictures her. I feel guilty for any feelings for anyone I try to explore, as though I am being unfaithful to her.

Currently, I am a student in Provo, Utah, at Brigham Young University—the marriage meat market capital of the world! My feelings for Annie serve no purpose in my life right now. They haunt me! I have no contact with her and have not even been able to find her via Facebook! Our relationship is, basically, hopeless. Besides, as I have considered her ultimate tomboy image, I have come to strongly believe that she very well may be a full-boar lesbian by now. Once again, these feelings have no use to me, but, perhaps, feeling this way for a lesbian-like person may be quite tantalizing for someone else.

I offer these feelings to anyone interested, whether it is because you have not felt such feelings for another, yet, and desire to do so or because you like to gain these same feelings for several people and play them all. I am open to any reason to house these stirrings elsewhere. I really do believe this method will help rid myself of these feelings for her. Your purposes with the sent document are completely up to you. You may even write the name of your ex-lover on them and use them for toilet paper. If you are adventurous, you can reconnect with your mother by sending her one half of the heart and then meeting up to complete it. If you are thrill crazy, you could try this with your mother-in-law.

I remind you that I am only selling the feelings for Annie. I have tried to make her sound vague to protect her identity, since it is not her that I am selling (she is not a slave, and I am not her trader).

Happy bidding!

Adventure #14: “Good [Time of Day]”

Why the heck do we greet each other with, “Good morning?” That’s not even a complete sentence! But maybe I hate it because I’m not a morning person. Whenever it's said to me, I typically don't respond, though I want to say, "Don't talk to me!" or "That's not my name!"

If you think about it, though, “Good morning/afternoon/evening/day” all are seen as appropriately interchangeable for greeting and departing. “Good night,” on the other hand, is only appropriate in departing (or metaphoric departing, like sleeping).

Of course, supposedly, all these greetings are wishings to the receiver, so to exchange, “Bad afternoon” or “Awful night” with someone, even as a reflection of one’s own condition, is seen as strange or rude. However, since “Good night” tends to be a token farewell, it is even angrily said when people are mad at each other…

Adventure #13: Meeting the "Pop Perfection" of Darren Hayes

Remember Savage Garden? Did you know their former frontman, Australian singer/songwriter Darren Hayes, has released four solo albums in the last ten years? ...Yeah, it took me a bit to catch up with that, too, being American and all, but he's been a new candy for me. Well, he’s not exactly new for me. I have flavored some of his music before but didn’t take a leap for him until recently.

HISTORY

Let’s take a (dry) rundown of my discovery of him nearly two years ago:

• Hear “I Knew I Loved You” again on radio (it eventually becomes my favorite Savage Garden song; plus, gorgeous Kirsten Dunst is featured in the music vid)
• Remember/Renew curiosity of Savage Garden
• (Wikipedia) Research Savage Garden
• Come across name “Darren Hayes” and research
• Discover 2004 tongue-in-cheek single “Pop!ular” reached #1 on U.S. Dance/Club Play chart
• Like “Pop!ular” but have interest in little else
• Use gift card to get Savage Garden Affirmation, which contains “I Knew I Loved You”

Last summer, I had some free music downloads, part of which I used to get “Pop!ular” and a few tracks off the album it’s from, The Tension and the Spark (Darren’s second album). About eight months later, I listened to his first and fourth albums, respectively, Spin and Secret Codes and Battleships on Spotify, generally liking them and occasionally listening to them more often.

DARREN & ME

Then, I moseyed along until May of this year (two months ago) when I realized a similarity in the songs he writes to the songs I write (and consequently, completed my collection of his music by ordering physical copies of his albums). This was HUGE! When I had thought about my songs, they seemed to be about...nothing...or, at least, nothing I could give a synopsis of, I felt. They're driven by feelings. Most songs are inspired by feelings and fused with emotion, but I've seen that the focus of my songs is completely about subconscious feelings becoming manifest. Darren's and mine don't exactly sound the same, but the focus and drive are similar. We each have our own separate patterns of addressing similar motives that are influenced by our own musical paths. Still, our songs seem to rest in an intuitive space (hence the mention of mine seeming "to be about...nothing;" the images we typically use aren't exactly tangible).

I had been looking at the current pop scene, especially Katy Perry and Lady Gaga, as well as other songs, but I couldn’t find many that I would say my songs were like. Darren’s have come the closest. When I figured this out, so many things in his songs opened up to me, and I could not believe what I was experiencing while listening to his music. Everything he sang made sense. There was no deciphering the metaphors or translation of events in my life to make them applicable to the song. Everything fit perfectly, like I could be saying those lyrics. It was one of those connections you have with someone and you just sense and feel that, “I need to know this person better,” or, “I want to meet this person.” It’d be awesome to meet him and chat about songs and ideas—perhaps, someday, if our lives cross. His songs are so honest to me. Perhaps, they are even too honest…

THE DOWNSIDE

Something he has been prized for is that, often, rather than taking a more commercial pop route, he musically and lyrically tends to take a more sophisticated, intellectual journey, which is a great aspect that I like (and makes me feel smart). But, his music is very artful and somber to the point that it can be depressing for me. At the same time, I love his music, because, like I said, my connection is so close; but it is easily depressing for me, because I don’t have to work to connect. His music naturally recalls emotional places I’ve been by just hearing those words and, especially, singing them.

HIS MUSIC

He does have light and positive songs but mostly on Spin, from which my favorite track is “I Can't Ever Get Enough of You.” His transition to heavier subjects is sampled on Spin’s title track but was also previewed in 1999 with the opening and title track of Savage Garden’s Affirmation. The music of these songs is still upbeat and fun, but the discussion is thoughtful.

His darkest album is The Tension and the Spark, where he explores themes of dark and light with, even, track titles as “Darkness” and “Light.” The Tension and the Spark is an amazing album, overall, despite its dark themes. It is brilliantly crafted with genius electronic production, and, honestly, deserves every one of the four stars Allmusic gave it (I tend to agree with Allmusic). “Darkness,” especially, is a song that surprised me how closely I connected with it when I really listened. I felt like someone had been watching me from my window… Other songs I most connected with from the album, whether emotionally or hearing my own thoughts in someone’s song, were “I Like the Way,” “Hero,” “Unlovable,” and “Love and Attraction,” but really, I side with the whole album.

His third release, the highly experimental and personal double album This Delicate Thing We've Made, continues a somber approach but has a more intellectual feel. The album fits together almost like a story with most of the songs leading up to the next, though they are strong enough to stand alone (not that they're mixed together but that they're like chapters in a novel). Overall, the entire album is incredibly elegant. My favorite track is the beautiful single “Casey” (which the last minute and a half of the album version is gorgeous but, sadly, was taken out to make it appropriate as a single, even though it emphasizes, what I believe to be, the main point of the song: “I wanna be someone”), which he wrote about his sister Tracey (rhymes with Casey; ooooooh, clever boy). Other tracks that especially stand out to me are “A Fear of Falling Under,” “Listen All You People,” “Neverland,” “Words,” and “The Tuning of Violins.” The whole album is wonderful, though.

His latest album, Secret Codes and Battleships, released autumn of last year, brings him back to commercial pop senses but without losing lyrical merit. I, especially, have taken a liking to “Don’t Give Up” and “Black Out the Sun,” which is another one that encapsulates emotions I have felt and instantly recalls them (and vocally, it’s fun to sing). He originally wrote “Black Out the Sun” for Leona Lewis but kept it for himself. Lead single “Talk Talk Talk” sounds like a sequel to “Words.” When I watched the music video for “Bloodstained Heart,” I cried at the end, and then I watched it again, crying throughout from understanding deeper the symbolism. I get choked singing it or even when I explain the song and video to others.

THE UPSIDE

I’ve learned several things from Darren, though. One thing I’ve understood is that this connection I’ve had is only one part of me, and it is good to have someone to connect to, even with my darker experiences. I connect with lots of artists, but my favorites tend to be The Corrs and Kylie Minogue. I’ve often thought myself the male version of Andrea Corr, lead singer and lyricist for The Corrs, and still, I see myself more in her personality than I do Darren’s. Both Darren and The Corrs appeal to the dreaminess of hopeless romantics. Andrea’s solo lyrics and her lyrics with The Corrs, I have felt, are words I could have written myself and that speak for me, just as with Darren’s. I think why I may find Darren's lyrics particularly special is that he is male, and there is an inherent part of me, perhaps initially subconscious, that recognizes and connects with this. The difference between The Corrs and Darren is that while The Corrs (and Andrea; I do like Sharon Corr’s solo work, as well) are willing to go to the dark places that Darren goes, they offer a glimmer of hope, whereas Darren goes there to reveal and explore but doesn’t always offer a way out. He takes you there to experience it with him (but it is fair to say that when you are in those dark places, sometimes hope is forgotten or not desired because of the pain in the letdown of what was once hoped).

I enjoy all of Kylie’s songs, but I most connect with the ones she writes herself, especially “No More Rain” and “Looking for an Angel” (both metaphors; *gasp* intriguing). She goes to dark places on 1997’s introspective Impossible Princess, in which she wrote or co-wrote all the songs, but, like The Corrs, she offers a way out, even if it is just a cry for deliverance. Mostly, Kylie appeals to my fun side. From having seen her live and what I’ve seen of her in interviews, Kylie is pure fun, as also found in her choice to release bubbly, danceable songs. Understandably, she's been referred to as a dance force of light (interestingly, Darren's idol, Madonna, compared to Kylie, has been seen as a dark force; I also like Madonna but more to get groovy with). Through it all, Kylie still is able to express love and its vulnerability (see my paper on that here).

Basically, in general (and for me), Kylie presents the fun and vulnerabilities of love, The Corrs the reassurances of love, and Darren the fears in love. Darren doesn’t really seem far off from The Corrs and Kylie. All three of these artists explore romance and art with class that appeals to me, reassuring what I’ve evaluated about my interests (as described here).

One thing I speculate about Darren from his songs is that he holds things very precious. This is even suggested in the album title This Delicate Thing We've Made and is something I relate to. It makes him a true lover and is a characteristic I'm attracted to to add him to my collection of favorite artists. But while I do like his more darker themes for their own sake, I wish for more of the songs about the positive aspects of love, like he does in “I Can't Ever Get Enough Of You” and “I Knew I Loved You,” but I'll appreciate whatever he turns out.

Of Darren himself, his voice is very beautiful. He uses falsetto a lot, and it is equally pleasing. His voice has a soft, youthful timbre (as do Kylie and Andrea), as does mine, I’ve been told. Last year, I sang “Ten Minutes Ago” from the musical Cinderella for a voice lesson. My teacher said I sounded great, but the only problem with my performance was that I sounded sixteen and the character needed to be old enough that his parents were irritated he wasn’t married yet (so, at least ten years older...hmm).

Darren’s vocal range is very similar to mine, making him fun and comfortable to sing along with. I had previously been introduced to Mika, who also sings high into his falsetto range, but his isn’t always nice sounding. Hearing that falsetto made me afraid to use my own, but Darren’s has given me confidence to use it, as I have heard that my voice and falsetto are “pretty,” as well. When I have sang some of Darren’s and Savage Garden’s songs to others and then later showed them the recording, my audiences have mentioned similar pleasing qualities in my voice and his, though we each have our own value and sound like ourselves. Also, we have similar impulses on forming words when singing; that is, we naturally tend to emphasize the same letter sounds in pronunciation.

If anything, Darren has helped me reach another level of acceptance for my voice. It is what it is, and it can have a place as I find where to use it. It is okay for it to sound pretty and soft and young...or “unique.” And, like I said about his songs’ similarity to mine, it is okay for my songs to be what they are. The sound of Darren's “Unlovable” gave me faith in the few of my songs that lean to the experimental. “Unlovable” is done in a way that makes the song work, despite often possessing an almost disjointed melody, as a few of mine do. When I wrote them, I wasn't sure if they would work but completed them, anyway. Now, I see that as they are explored, an appropriate way of expressing them can be found, just as it was with “Unlovable.” I know some of my apprehension about my songs comes from a fear of revealing self-qualities expressed in the song. Tsk tsk. Courage, now. I'm sure as I embrace them their performance will smooth out and become whole, making them a treasure. They have a place, as what has been reiterated to me a lot this past year (not even an exaggeration; everywhere I turn, this comes up)—to quit hiding and offer what I have. And, honestly, I have been feeling more ready to share what I have with songs, poetry, acting, stories, my novels. Perhaps, finishing college soon has brought this to my mind, also, and given me the realization that I need to come forward in order for anything to happen, rather than hiding in the educational world. In all, Darren has brought it up for me, again.

So, if you don’t know much about Darren, check him out! It’s a shame his music is as rare as it is. He is a gem! You never know what you may find in store to experience with him, and you can see why critics call him genius and his work “pop perfection.”

Adventure #12: (Social) Rules: Throw Them Out

Somehow, my thoughts recently have led me to the idea of rules, and basically, I think rules are stupid. Most of them are unnecessary, but of course, some are good. Rules are good so that people don’t hurt themselves and others, and if followed, people can live peacefully and get along with others and stay in line yada yada yada my GOSH! I am so bored already! All of you know that about rules (And if you don’t, then, frankly, I think you’re stupid, but I’ll probably still be your friend)!

Mostly, I think the majority of social rules are pointless, especially when it comes down to gender, like “Boys don’t hug,” “Boys should be serious,” “Boys are strong and quiet,” “Boys need their physical space,” “Boys are…” STUPID! Honestly, I don’t want to follow any of those rules, and I know other respectable BOYS who don’t. But, I admit, I am a feminine male (not effeminate, please. There is a difference. Thank you), as in I’m more emotional/sensitive, domesticated, clean, gentle, smaller framed than most guys I meet. Regardless, this isn’t a spat about gender roles, just social rules (which, I know, they interchange and affect each other and yada yada, but I don’t want to get into that right now, nor am I meaning that social rules all have to deal with gender).

ANYWAY! Much of this started when I was halfway through my first semester of college when I realized I was an adult. I was old enough to vote, but also I was an individual and could live however I please. I could get a girl and move in with her. I could move out of my house. I could volunteer at the hospital. I could cut down trees. I could unlearnedly strum a guitar and sing at the top of my lungs on Main Street. I could shoot up drugs. “I can do whatever I want!” (I often said this phrase to my family whenever they suggested anything, which drove them crazy…and still does…and which I apparently still say, since one of my old roommates once responded to his own question with, “That’s right. You can do whatever you want.”) That doesn’t exactly mean I want to do those things, but I realized how free I was and how free I’ve actually been.

So, now, I mostly side with the idea of making my own rules. I love making my own rules. Who is living my life? I am! Why should I not just live how I want within my own value code (meaning religion/beliefs, law obedience, business ethics, WHATEVER YOU WANT TO PUT HERE IN VALUES!)? Something I abhor is when people act with shame (which is a prevalent trait in much of Utah culture, especially Cache Valley; look around and see it). I love to be shamelessly nonsensical. I LOVE TO LET LOOSE—anything goes—and anything that is not impolite is welcome from others. I believe in observing without judging, as in there is no quizzical scowl with an up-turned lip, accompanied by, “Maybe you shouldn’t do that,” unless it is unkind or socially misplaced (in which case, correction would be properly done away from the(, perhaps, embarassing) presence of others). But, of course, I am a more chaotic personality, so for most social situations, I enjoy jumping in, going with my feelings, and seeing what happens. No social rules. No worrying about what people are thinking. Being fully committed to doing or saying or behaving whatever I feel in the moment I feel it, no matter how boisterous or over-the-top. (Sometimes, I feel like not saying or doing much, and that is perfectly fine.)

This doesn’t mean I’m wild. For me, I enjoy politeness and encouraging social interaction. I like to laugh and uplift others and to be uplifted, in turn. I do not feel like I am having to obey some kind of unpublished handbook of social behavior. Some can argue, though, that I have been conditioned to follow rules of politeness and positive socializing, and if that’s true, I don’t care. I interact how I want to interact. And if you desire to interact as the social rules laid down by your best friend or your roommate or that gorgeous senior cheerleader you admired your sophomore year, then do it, as long as it is want you want to do.

This may all sound jumbled. I have no idea. But I’m sure those who really know me understand this, because they have seen me do it and have experienced me.

"We'll make the rules up as we go along and break our own if we're not having fun."

Review of Madonna's MDNA

Madonna released her twelfth studio album, MDNA, this Monday, March 26. Courtesy of Spotify, I listened to this recent effort on the day it came out. MDNA, used as an entendre for the drug MDMA but more rightfully for Madonna DNA and an abbreviated spelling of the singer's name, reminds that she is the source of controversy that has paved the way for many pop stars, by infusing references to religion and sexuality, often irreverently. At times, this feels like a forward stab to Lady Gaga, especially considering her recent "reductive" words about Gaga. She wants everyone to know that she is "Queen"--that she is what brought pop to what it is now. Fittingly, Madonna's performance beneath the heavy electronic alterations (especially in "Gang Bang") sounds much like it did twenty years ago during her times of greatest controversy in her Like a Prayer-Erotica era, before her vocal training for Evita. She has continued exploring this, revisiting the black-and-white music video for "Girl Gone Wild," like she did with "Justify My Love" and "Erotica." Similarly, "Girl" has met censory with an 18 and older age stamp on Youtube.

While the album's production sounds good, most of the lyrics seem forced. Madonna set out to make an album, and that's what she did--she made an album, when she needed to create one. However, production all-around is nothing short than what she wanted--a full ride in the dance genre for a non-stop party, as she did with Confessions on a Dance Floor but without revealing lyrics and cohesive beats (without brilliance, basically). An issue with the album is that there are little standouts for single releases. The track that comes closest is "I'm Addicted," which, besides the lyrics, sounds very close to Pet Shop Boys cuts. A potential promo release for club play is "Gang Bang," which sounds darkly fantasy-filled enough for Gaga, screwball co-writer Mika, or a metal arrangement. It isn't until near the end of the album that lyrics start to take meaning, on the tracks she collaborated with William Orbit, who brought introspection out of Madonna in 1998's Ray of Light. "I'm a Sinner" even rings a sound similar to the Orbit/Madonna collaboration "Beautiful Stranger."

MDNA is good but not great as it could have been. It contains tracks that people will want to hear again but that won't stick with them. I give it three-and-a-half stars out of five.

Adventure #11: My art IS me

This post is about how well I know myself even if I don't know it. So, as the incredible and nearly toothless Snoop Dogg once said in a hot girl song:

"Let's take a journey."

It's been told to me before, and it was reiterated a few nights ago when I watched Never Been Kissed for the first time: "To write well, you have to write what you know." And, this applies to every form of art. For the most part, I do this with my creative projects, and for the most part, I never recognize I'm doing it until after the project is done. I don't know, exactly, if I can claim writing "well," but I sure do write about what I know.

"To write well, write what you know"

Let's start with my most recent project, which is what actually brought this junk to mind. For my creative writing class, I wrote a short story that I grabbed out of the air while we were given time in class to brainstorm quietly. Within two days, I knew the direction of the story, that a gentleman who wants a family discovers a strange creature in his plant shop and this creature fills his desire for a family. It took a few writing sessions, three of which I spent crying heavily (and I mean, BAWLING; there was no stopping the tears; they just kept coming and coming without effort, and I was heave breathing, feeling agony within), because I felt so emotionally connected to what the characters were going through. So, I wrote what I was feeling at the moment and tagged that the characters were doing it. I didn't quit feeling so emotionally overwhelmed until I wrote the characters out of that situation, and then I wrote how the characters(/I) felt in the calming period after a strong emotion (so, now if you ever read Twizzle, you'll know every emotion I felt (even the smiles) at the very moment I wrote it; that may be a nice (or torturous, if you're my mother) visual to play with as you read).

So, what does this mean? I wrote what I knew. And, what I presently know is loneliness. For me, that is what the story is about. This loneliness hasn't been a great secret to me, though I've tried to ignore it. It's mostly come up since I moved out of my sister's house last April and closer to my college campus, due to early classes and rehearsals that run late. It has seemed best to have a home to go to in the middle of the day than to be away from home for 14-16 hours everyday (my sister lived a forty minute drive from campus but is now moving near my parents, a two and a half hour drive from campus).

Perhaps, this is also why my baby hunger has increased a lot. If I can't have people readily to be with me, why not make people who will readily want to be with me? I'm used to creating things. Why not people? (I wouldn't exactly say that is especially a great idea, though)

This isn't to say that I don't have friends and don't talk to people. I appreciate those I have, but I've always lived with my family, where there has always been someone to talk openly with and with whom, I feel, I can receive an unbiased opinion about things or can get feedback that is not strongly judgmental or saving face to manipulate me. Now, I'm around other students who have their own agenda, when I've been used to having someone who will make time to talk to me, even if slightly inconvenient for them (gosh, I sound like such a little prince). There is a kind honesty (even if it's not pleasant to hear, it's necessary but done with kindness) among much of my family and I trust them.

So, wah wah! I don't have them right here. ANYWAY, this happens all the time when I write poems and songs. Sometimes, I have NO IDEA what I wrote means! Then, about 1-3 months later I look back over it and have an "ah-hah!" moment and realize I wrote exactly what I was feeling at the time I wrote it.

During my 20th year of life, I wrote a novel. It took me August to August (to figure it out and) to write it, and about 6 months later, I saw that I accidentally wrote a story that reflects that 20th year.

In my acting, I draw from myself and people and common behaviors I have observed or understand(/researched). When I'm doing crappy work, I'm not drawing from anything, because, for whatever reason, I forget to draw from inspiration or don't know (yet) what to use for inspiration. I am not "writing" what I know.



And lastly, I have been writing a bunch of silly sketches, some of which have been put on Youtube. The one that stands out in my mind is Einstein Home School College. I wrote a promo for it, and the lead in that has been kind enough to improv her way through two more videos of random interviews with the same spirit of this College I created. I have also written episodes of events that happen at this place. Basically, the gist is incompetent people acting like they know what they're doing. So, pretty much, I wrote about how I often feel. However, often when characters recognizes this cycle, then that is a drama. But, when they are clueless to their incompetence, then it is a comedy, as the scripts for this College try to reflect this latter pattern. Overall, since I feel I go through both of these patterns, and since drama and comedy are both part of life, I can say that I have experienced a whole life (Thanks, Mom; you did well, after all).

So, pretty much, I write what I know. And even if I have not experienced something firsthand, I write what I understand, and it still comes from a place within me, even if I don't readily recognize it. Then, my art is me.

How is your art you?