Recently, a friend of mine said that a particular experience she had the previous night led her to
decide that she really liked a boy--enough that she would love to date him. He was the top of her list. I found this odd that she would say that she has "decided" to like him.
Looking over the people I have had romantic yearnings for or have gained particular interest for, never would I say that I
decided to be interested in them in that way. There was a point of
recognition for all of them. There came a time when I was considering our relationship or them that I
realized I had grown fond of them. Often, even, especially in the case of romantics, I have to slap myself and work at bringing myself to not like them due to circumstance of their relationship status, my perception of their interest in me, or other occasions.
I felt I did not understand my friend's pattern of romantic feelings, but I considered again, wondering if she was describing the same process I perceive for myself but in different terms. Perhaps, the only difference between us was attitude. I passively allow myself to be victim of circumstance, while she decides to have control. Or, perhaps, we desire different perceptions from others, that I don't care to be seen as passive, but she desires to be seen as one that takes control of things around her. Either way, her method seems to reign deliberation, while mine appears more chaotic.
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